1. Put my child on a life altering behavior diet
2. Fought an institutional foe on her behalf
3. Lost thirty pounds and four sizes
4. Realized that my twelve year marriage would soon end
5. Survived an on-going lay off
6. Learned that I don't have breast cancer
At first glance this looks fairly dreadful. But hey! Number 3! That's pretty awesome. And no, that isn't the divorce diet. That's something I started working on over year ago out of a simple desire to see if I could do it. I worked hard on myself and it paid off. Oh, and Number 6. The anticipation leading up to my surgery was a wee bit stressful but the positive outcome far surpasses it. Not having cancer sticks its middle finger up at all that other stuff.
A couple of weeks ago my soon to be ex spouse and I sat down in my living room to explain to our two children that we would be getting a divorce. Hands down, that was the worst day of my life so far, and my worst day as a parent. It's a completely helpless feeling to disappoint your children so profoundly and not be able to change their circumstances. They are losing so much, and all at once.
The kids are still struggling which means that I am too. I hate that this is happening to them. Because of Lily's behavior and mood issues, she's the emotional barometer of our household. The need to stay one step ahead of her in case she falls is more important than it ever has been. It's sort of like handling two live hand grenades. When someone pulls the pin, you throw yourself on it and later on you pick up the pieces one at a time.
That's not to say that things aren't improving and that the children won't ever adjust. It just appears to be a painstakingly slow process. The sun does come out occasionally. We live at the pool this summer. Which means that not only do my freckles threaten to stage a coup on my body, but the kids are getting in a ton of exercise. Yesterday, I watched Lily move through the water like a fish and remembered that last year before we started the Feingold Diet, she was so afraid of getting water in her eyes and ears that she still wore arm floaties. Now, every time we get in the pool the kids start begging, "Mom, MOM! We're ready to get into the DEEP END! MOOOOMMM! Can we PLEASE go in the DEEP END?!? DEEP END! DEEP END!"
I smile and say yes even though I know we're already there.
That's not to say that things aren't improving and that the children won't ever adjust. It just appears to be a painstakingly slow process. The sun does come out occasionally. We live at the pool this summer. Which means that not only do my freckles threaten to stage a coup on my body, but the kids are getting in a ton of exercise. Yesterday, I watched Lily move through the water like a fish and remembered that last year before we started the Feingold Diet, she was so afraid of getting water in her eyes and ears that she still wore arm floaties. Now, every time we get in the pool the kids start begging, "Mom, MOM! We're ready to get into the DEEP END! MOOOOMMM! Can we PLEASE go in the DEEP END?!? DEEP END! DEEP END!"
I smile and say yes even though I know we're already there.
